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Horny grannies, porn(y) grannies, sexy grannies, demented leather clad grannies; the Googling world is full of people who, like Johnny Lee, are ‘looking for love in all the wrong places’. The previously described have even visited this Granny who has been seriously, but vainly, also seeking out her own kind. I call these people Pervs. I capitalise the name and honour them with a proper noun. There are so many of them trawling the Internet that I suspect that Pervs must be an ancient and mighty race who have come to light only now that they have access to electronic media.

Like the Scarlet Pimpernel, I’ve also been looking here, there and everywhere for some sugar. I typed a search term for nurturing grannies recently. I came up with a comment by a fellow blogger who mentions a BBC news item about ‘grannies knitting woolie boobies for the National Health Service to help women who breastfeed learn how to hand express milk’. She said the article made her smile. The idea of breastfeeding women needing booby cosies, or it being an issue that needed to be written about made me scratch my head in wonder. This blogger turned out to be a nurturing career mama so I didn’t find her blog helpful for my purposes. I append her URL here but alas for those career mamas out there she stopped blogging last year. (http://nurturingcareermama.wordpress.com/2010/06/09/who-says-knitting-has-to-be-boringgrannies-knit-woolie-boobs).

I asked Google to search out clever grannies and found that the best of a mangy offering is about crocheting grannies on Pinterest. Talk about stereotyping. That’s not us in the 21st Century. We are grannies, hear us snore, err, I mean roar. Anyhow, I’ve done my share of crocheting blankets and booties and cunning little outfits. I don’t want a crafting blog.

The Internet shelters the good, the bad and the downright ugly, and Google who is her helpmeet is like that little girl in the nursery rhyme with the curl in the middle of her forehead. I’m sure that if you hang around long enough sooner or later anything can and will come knocking on your internet door. I’ve been waiting for over a year but mostly it’s the Pervs that are hiking up my statistics. I don’t know what they make of my little blog, they certainly never comment. But I suspect that they are not impressed. I don’t provide titillating images of whips or bee stung lips or any other images for that matter. And no purple prose. Needless to say, the Pervs don’t linger long.

There’s a welcome mat and a guest room for a kind, caring and most importantly interesting gran who wants to set a spell and has wisdom to dispense. At the very least I’ve been hoping for Grannies who will share their life experiences. (Because of course wrinkles don’t necessarily make grannies wise.)

There have been no nibbles, so although I plan to keep up the granny articles, I’ve been expanding my brief. I talk about footballer’s beards these days, put my own stamp on daily prompts and have even made an attempt at limericks (failing dismally). There are all sorts of odds and sods on offer on my site, so maybe the way to redirect the visiting Pervs is to change my Granny logo. I’m open to suggestions.

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13 thoughts on “‘Looking for love in all the wrong places’

  1. Avoid the labels and write what you like. Don’t give up, Mary. I’ve had some great “viewing” days and comments, and I’ve had some dismal ones. I wish you the very best and thank you for visiting my blog.

  2. There are many stereotypes that interfere with good communication, but if you keep at it, I’m sure you’ll find people of like mind and interest. I’m very glad to have found you.

    • I’m pretty pleased to have found you too, Shimon. I love and appreciate your gentle writing style. Being of a certain age, I don’t take the amazing thing that the internet can be for granted and really enjoy meeting people that I would not be likely to meet otherwise.

  3. It may be that the word granny still evokes images of The Beverly Hillbillies. But it also doesn’t seem possible that there aren’t others out there with similar interests — people who have something to say, stories to tell, and a lot left to do. I hope you’ll keep at it, Mary.

  4. I have no pearls (sorry) of wisdom to offer. It beats me how this thing really works, I struggled for an audience for the first 9 months, but just kept plugging away.

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